A Parent’s Role in Substance Use Prevention: Tips for Talking to Youth of All Ages
(YD1912, April 2019)Youth are less likely to use addictive substances if their parents talk early and often about the risks, establish clear rules and consequences, and regularly monitor their activities. Active involvement and support of caring adults are both critical in the prevention of youth substance abuse. Tips for how to start the conversation, integrate positive communication, and respond to children at every age are provided in this publication.
Chloe Krinke, M.Ed., LAPC, NCC, NDSU Center for 4-H Graduate Assistant
Involvement and support of parents, guardians and other caregivers are critical in preventing youth substance abuse. Conversations are one of the most effective tools adults can use to connect with youth. Youth of parents who talk to their kids about the dangers of substances early and often are 50 percent less likely to use drugs than those who do not receive these critical messages at home (NCADD, 2015).
Tips for how to start the conversation and respond to children at every age are provided in this publication to help guide your discussion.
How Do I Know if My Child is Using?
Signs to watch for:
- Declining school performance
- Abrupt changes in friends
- Abnormal health issues or sleeping habits
- Deteriorating relationships with family
- Less openness and honesty
Brain development is not complete until about age 25
Early to late adolescence is a critical risk period for youth to begin using drugs (SAMHSA, 2015). Essential parts of a teenager’s brain are forming, affecting the ability to make logical decisions. Teens are more likely to take risks, and impulsive behaviors may involve drug use. Developing brains are more prone to damage. As a result, teens become addicted more quickly with greater consequences. Side effects may include irreversible brain changes, increasing the risk of accidents, homicides, suicides, and serious physical and mental health conditions (Partnership for Drug-Free Kids, 2018). Talk to teens about how substance use impacts their brain health and overall wellness.
9 out of 10 people with substance problems started using by age 18. (Center on Addiction, 2018)
Every year substance use is delayed during adolescent brain development, the risk of addiction and substance abuse decreases 4 to 5 percent. (SAMHSA, 2015)
Why Do Youth Use Drugs?
A child may be more or less likely to try drugs due to certain circumstances. Below are risk factors that may increase vulnerability to use drugs and protective factors that reduce those risks.
Risk Factors |
Protective Factors |
Lack of parental supervision |
Parental support and strong family bonds |
Poor attachment with caregivers |
Presence of mentors or adult role models |
Academic problems |
School and community engagement |
Undiagnosed mental health problems |
Coping and problem-solving skills |
Substance-using parents, siblings or friends |
Healthy peer groups |
Peer rejection |
High self-esteem |
Child abuse/neglect |
Stable home environment |
Keep in mind: Many youth with risk factors do not use drugs, and a risk factor for one person may not be for another. |
Start Here : How do I talk with youth about drugs?
Get in the right frame of mind
TOOLS |
POSITIVE COMMUNICATION |
TRY IT OUT |
---|---|---|
Keep an open mind |
When youth feel judged or condemned, they are less likely to be receptive to your message. |
Maintain a position of objectivity |
Put yourself in their shoes |
Consider the way you like to be talked to when speaking about a difficult subject. |
Think about how you felt at their age. |
Set boundaries |
Be clear, direct and honest when setting limits. Let youth know you do not want them using drugs, and lay out the specific consequences if they break that rule. |
Explain your reasons for not wanting them to use drugs and engage them in a discussion about the harmful consequences. |
Be clear about your goals |
After a conversation, you can review what went right, wrong, what goals were met and what to alter for |
Write down the goals to look back at after the discussion. |
Be calm and relaxed |
If you approach youth with anger or panic, achieving your goals will be challenging. |
Find ways to relax before the conversation. |
Be honest |
Approaching the situation with shame, anger or disappointment will be counter-productive. Be attentive, curious, respectful and understanding. |
Stick to the facts; do not use scare tactics or make exaggerated claims. You want to build an environment of trust so they feel safe telling |
Find teaching opportunities |
Use news, TV shows, movies, videos, social media or real-life situations as teachable moments. |
Talk about the media’s influence and encourage them to think critically about these messages. |
Don’t lecture |
Lecturing about drugs likely will lead to youth shutting down, tuning out or becoming angry, or it could be misinterpreted as your disapproval of them instead of their actions. This could lead to shame and in turn, substance use behaviors. |
Avoid pulling rank if you get frustrated. |
Find a comfortable setting |
Announcing a sit-down meeting (“We need to have a talk after dinner”) usually will be met with resistance, while a more spontaneous, casual approach will lower their anxiety and maybe even your own. |
Take a walk or sit in the yard or park. Look for a place that feels less confined but not too distracting. |
Be aware of body language |
If your child is sitting, you want to be sitting as well. If the child is standing, ask the child to sit down with you. |
Be mindful of finger-pointing and crossed arms; these are closed gestures, while uncrossed legs and a relaxed posture are open gestures. |
Try active listening
Ask open-ended questions. Ask questions to elicit more than just a “yes” or “no” response. Tell me more about …
Be positive. Find positives in a situation, no matter how difficult it may seem. Thank you for your honesty. I really appreciate it.
Let youth know you hear them. Reflect back what you are hearing verbatim or just the sentiment. I’m hearing you feel overwhelmed and believe drinking alcohol relaxes you. Is that right?
Sum up and ask questions. Show you’re listening the entire time and ask for their input. Did I get everything? Do you have anything more to add?
Ask permission. Ask if it is OK for you to speak with them about their concerns and to offer some feedback. Are you OK with me asking you this? Do you mind if I give you some advice?
Offer empathy and compassion. Demonstrate understanding. I hear that you feel smoking pot helps your anxiety. I’m sorry you’re feeling anxious; I know that’s a really difficult feeling. Can we think of some other activities that can help you relax?
Communication: What do I talk about? Let’s Talk
Conversation Starters
It’s never too early to start the conversation. Discussions about alcohol and other drugs are ongoing conversations that begin early on and continue throughout the teenage years and young adulthood. As youth grow, your conversations may change, but they always will be centered on keeping them happy, healthy and safe.
The following discussion topics may help youth open up and talk about their knowledge and exposure to drugs. As a parent, you try to protect your children, but research shows most kids are exposed to substances at an early age through social media, the Internet, TV or friends.
Perceptions and Understanding
- Do you know what vaping/binge drinking/overdosing is? What do you know about it?
- What do you know about why someone your age is more likely to get addicted to drugs?
- When you hear or see messages about drugs, how do you decide which are myths and which are facts?
Friends and Peers
- What would you do if you saw friends taking prescription pills that aren’t theirs? What if you saw them drunk or high?
- If you were with kids who were vaping, drinking or using drugs, how would you feel? How would you handle it?
- Besides family members, who do you feel most comfortable talking to about substances? Why?
AVOID |
INSTEAD, USE |
---|---|
BUT You did well on your report card, but I know you |
AND You did well on your report card, and I know you can work even harder. |
SHOULD You should stop drinking alcohol. |
WANT I want you to stop drinking alcohol, and I’m here to help you. |
BAD Smoking pot is bad for you. |
HARMFUL Smoking pot is harmful for your health and brain. |
STUPID Vaping is a stupid choice. |
UNHEALTHY Vaping is unhealthy for you, and that’s why I’m concerned. |
DISAPPROVE I disapprove of you hanging out with that group of friends. |
CONCERNED I am concerned about your group of friends and worry they may not be the best influence. |
DISAPPOINTED I am disappointed in you for breaking curfew. |
WORRIED I am worried about your decision to come home past curfew. |
CAN’T You can’t come home at 11 p.m. on weeknights. |
DON’T WANT I don’t want you to come home this late at night anymore. |
Visit Parents Lead for more communication tips.
There’s an app for that! Use the “Talk. They Hear You” app by SAMHSA as an online role-play tool to practice and build skills.
What to Say: How do I respond?
There is no script available for talking about substances. However, these samples can guide you with ways to integrate prevention messages and positive parenting.
YOU CAN SAY | HERE'S WHY |
---|---|
“I know we’ve had conversations about drugs before, and I’m sorry you feel like I’m being a nag.” |
Taking responsibility and acknowledging youth’s feelings are effective ways to reduce resistance. |
“I want us to be able to discuss topics because I love you and want to help during these years when you’re faced with a lot of difficult choices. Talking about them is important. Would that be OK?” |
This statement shows compassion for what they are going through. Asking permission helps youth feel empowered in the dialogue. Be prepared for a possible response of “No, I don’t want to talk.” If this happens, ask why. Then have them suggest a time when they would be willing to talk. |
YOU CAN SAY | HERE'S WHY |
---|---|
“Let’s think of some ways you can turn down the offer that you are comfortable saying.” |
Instead of telling them what to say or do in an uncomfortable situation, ask them. Help youth brainstorm ways to turn down offers for their own reasons, such as, “I’m not into that,” “I can’t,” “I don’t feel like it” or “I have a big game tomorrow and don’t want to be groggy.” |
YOU CAN SAY | HERE's WHY |
---|---|
“Not all plants are necessarily good for you. Think about poison ivy.” |
This helps youth rethink their point. |
“Let’s look at alcohol and cigarettes; they are legal but cause damage such as health problems, DUIs, car accidents and addiction. Just because something is legal and regulated doesn't mean it is good for you.” |
This includes examples to redirect youth back to your goal of helping them understand harmful side effects of substance use. |
YOU CAN SAY | HERE's WHY |
---|---|
“Honestly, I don’t want you to be doing anything that can harm you. I’m wondering how you know all of your classmates are vaping and why you believe it is safer than alcohol.” |
You can express genuine curiosity about their thought processes. If youth assume everyone else is taking drugs, they are more likely to engage in drug use. Challenging inaccurate beliefs of peer behaviors and providing accurate information helps debunk falsely held norms about peer drug use. |
YOU CAN SAY | HERE's WHY |
---|---|
“I’m upset because you were not honest with me. I need you to know you always can call me for a ride or use me as an excuse to remove yourself from a risky situation. I get you’re worried about being in trouble, but remember I love and care about you. Your health and well-being are very important to me. Let’s talk more about what happened tonight.” |
The response should be measured, quiet and serious; you shouldn’t yell or be overly emotional. Your child should realize this isn’t just a small, frustrating moment, such as when the youth doesn’t do a chore; it’s very serious due to the dangerous consequences of riding with individuals under the influence. |
Talking to Youth About Substances at Every Age
Ages |
Keys to Prevention |
Tips for Conversation and Communication |
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6-9 |
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10-12 |
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13-15 |
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16-18 |
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19-on |
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All Ages |
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Sustance Use Fast Facts
Youth are less likely to use substances if their parents have established a pattern of setting clear rules and consequences for breaking those rules. Those who are not monitored by their parents regularly are four times more likely to use drugs. (Partnership for Drug-Free Kids, 2018)
46 percent of children live in a household where someone age 18 or older is smoking, drinking excessively, misusing prescriptions or using illegal drugs. (Center on Addiction, 2018)
75 percent of all high school students have used addictive substances; two in five reported past-year use of vaping. (Center on Addiction, 2018; NIDA, 2018)
One in five 12th graders vaped nicotine in the past month. (NIDA, 2018)
The drug overdose death rate has more than doubled during the past decade among people aged 12 to 25. (TFAH, 2017)
Bottom Line: Adults Play a Key Role
You are the most important and powerful influence in your child’s life. A majority of substance-free adolescents credit their parents for their decision not to use illegal substances. Even if you’re not a parent, you still can play a significant role in a youth’s life. Grandparents, aunts, uncles, older siblings, mentors, volunteers, teachers and coaches all can help guide youth toward healthy choices at every stage of life. Caring adults can take action by having frequent conversations with the youth in their lives about the dangers of substance use. Let youth know YOU are a resource.
Suspect Substance Abuse?
You never can be too safe or intervene too early. Talk to youth as soon as your instinct tells you something is wrong or you spot signs of drug use.
Express your concern and willingness to help, make observations, ask questions and listen to their answers.
Get professional help. A family doctor or addiction specialist can screen for signs of drug abuse and other related health conditions.
Call SAMHSA’s National Helpline (1-800-662-4357) for referrals to local treatment facilities, support groups and community-based organizations.
Be sure youth know that loved ones will stand by them and offer support.
Medical Emergencies: Call 911
North Dakota is a Good Samaritan state and you won’t be prosecuted for ingestion or possession if you seek help.
References
Center on Addiction (2018).
Good Therapy (2018).
National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA) (2018).
National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA) (2019).
National Council on Alcoholism and Drug Dependence (NCADD) (2015).
Parents Lead (2012).
Partnership for Drug-Free Kids (2018).
Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) (2015).
Additional Resources
References for Youth Substance Abuse
A Parent’s Guide to Drug Prevention
Family Checkup: Positive Parenting
Set Limits and Monitor (create a contract)
Reviewed by: Macine Lukach, Extension Agent; Amelia Doll, Extension Agent; Caroline Homan, Extension Agent; Kari Helgoe, Extension Agent; Todd Lewis, Ph.D., LPC, NCC; Liz Larson, Extension Parent Educator; Amy Tichy, Extension Parent Educator