Help Your Teen Make Better Decisions

Peggy R. Anderson

Extension Agent

July 28, 2010

Help Your Teen Make Better Decisions

“Just cool it, Mom. Everything will be OK!” This seldom eases parents’ concerns about the choices their teenage children make.

“The teen years bring a real shift in decision-making and parents often wonder just what their child can be thinking,” said Kris Jenkins, University of Missouri Extension human development specialist. “While it’s little comfort, there are real, medical reasons why teenagers think they’re invincible and discount the consequences of their choices.”

Recent research on brain development indicates that the part of the brain that influences decision-making and problem-solving doesn’t fully develop until early adulthood. In calm situations, teens can reason as well as adults, but pressure or stress hijacks their ability to make good decisions. In addition, the frontal lobes, which help put the brakes on the desire for thrills and risk-taking, are among the last areas of the brain to develop.

In the meantime, however, there are steps parents can take to help their teens make better decisions, Jenkins said.

After helping them define the problem, teach teens that there are six primary steps to decision-making:

1. List the choices.

2. Think about the pros and cons of each choice.

3. Assess the likelihood of the consequences actually happening.

4. Compare the consequences and their importance.

5. Decide and act.

6. Evaluate the consequences, both expected and unexpected.

Where do teens go wrong?

For teens, the first step can be the most difficult. Often, they see only either/or choices. “Either I have a cigarette with my friends or I look like a loser.” Inexperienced teens may have a tough time seeing that there are other options.

Teens also worry about their friends’ reactions: “My boyfriend may break up with me if I don’t have sex with him.” “My friend will be mad if I don’t let him cheat off me.”

Involve your teen in decision-making

The bottom line is that sometimes a parent needs to make the final decision. Most young people will even admit that. “But it’s important to involve teens in decisions on matters that directly affect them,” Jenkins said.

Research suggests that teens feel that “fairness” has more to do with being treated equitably than simply getting their way, she said. They want parents to take them seriously, ask for their opinions and listen to them instead of criticizing. If teens feel they have no control or power in the decisions important to them, they are more likely to feel angry and rebellious and to make rash decisions.

Tips for parents

-Help them brainstorm options, including ideas that you might not consider. Don’t criticize your teen’s ideas. If you give them time to think out loud without being judgmental, you show that you respect and value their ideas.

-Help them make decisions, but don’t make all the decisions. Guide them through their choices and accept that some won’t be the decisions that you would make. Soon enough they will be on their own, so help them to be prepared.

-Help them review their decisions after the fact. What worked? What happened that wasn’t expected? What would you do differently in the future? Don’t say “I told you so.” Without a doubt, you also have made wrong decisions. This is the perfect chance to help your teens think about what they will do when similar situations arise again.

Schedule

Wednesday, July 28 – Burke County

Thursday, July 29 – Divide County

Friday, July 30 – Burke County

Monday, August 2 – Burke County

Tuesday, August 3 – Divide County