Peggy R. Anderson

Extension Agent

September 22, 2010

Decision Making Skills: The Key to Surviving the Teen Years

The one thing that sets the quality and ability of youth apart, more than anything else, are their decision making skills, according to Jeremy Elliot-Engel, a 4-H youth development specialist with University of Missouri Extension.

"The teen years bring a real shift in decision-making and parents often wonder just what their child can be thinking," said Elliot-Engel. "While it's little comfort, there are real, medical reasons why teenagers think they're invincible and discount the consequences of their choices."

Recent research on brain development indicates that the part of the brain that influences decision-making and problem-solving doesn't fully develop until early adulthood. In calm situations, teens can reason as well as adults, but pressure or stress hijacks a teenager's ability to make good decisions.

"The frontal lobes, which help put the brakes on the desire for thrills and risk-taking, are among the last areas of the brain to develop," said Elliot-Engel.

There are steps parents can take to help their teens make better decisions. After helping them define the problem, teach teens that there are six primary steps to decision-making: list the choices, think about the pros and cons of each choice, assess the likelihood of the consequences actually happening, compare the consequences and their importance, decide and act, and finally, evaluate the consequences, both expected and unexpected.

For teens, the first step can be the most difficult because they often only see either/or choices. Inexperienced teens may have a tough time seeing that there are other options. Teens also worry about their friends' reactions.

The bottom line is that sometimes a parent needs to make the final decision. That is something that even most young people will even admit. But it's important to involve teens in decisions on matters that directly affect them

"Teens feel that fairness has more to do with being treated equitably than simply getting their way. They want parents to take them seriously, ask for their opinions and listen to them instead of criticizing. If teens feel they have no control or power in the decisions important to them, they are more likely to feel angry and rebellious and to make rash decisions," said Elliot-Engel.

Give Your Children the Benefit of Family Meals

The fast pace of modern life has relegated the family meal to just a few times a year. This means today’s children too often miss out on all the benefits of important family time, said a state specialist with University of Missouri Extension’s Building Strong Families program.

Children with close connections to their family are less likely to get into trouble, often do better in school and tend to be healthier and happier, said Kim Leon.

But who has time to cook a sit-down meal every day? Leon recommends that families start small and keep it simple.

“A family could start out trying to incorporate a meal on the weekends,” she said. “It doesn’t have to be an elaborate meal with everything prepared from scratch. Healthy meals can be made fairly easily and quickly, too.”

It does help if cooking and serving duties are shared. If everyone pitches in, preparing a meal can be easy.

“Even very young children can do some simple task like helping set the table or some very simple food preparation tasks,” Leon said. “It helps children begin to have a sense of responsibility for helping out with family tasks.”

Leon offers one caveat. You need to make the meal about the family and not about distractions.

“That would be turning off the TV and not answering the phone at mealtime so that the focus can be on family togetherness,” she said. “People tend to eat healthier and not overeat as much when they’re not watching TV while they eat.”

With childhood obesity at epidemic levels, parents can use the family meal to help their children learn to make healthier choices.

“There’s some newer research out that shows that children who eat meals with their families eat more nutritious foods and less unhealthy food,” she said.

Still, family meals are about more than just food. Leon said it’s a time when children can learn social and communication skills, and parents can catch up with what’s going on in their children’s lives.

The family meal should be a positive experience, Leon said. If there are problems or conflicts, leave them for another time. It’s important to make the family meal something everyone enjoys.

Schedule

Wednesday, September 22 – 25 – Portland, Maine

Monday, September 27 – Mandan

Tuesday, September 28 – Mandan and Divide County